Conditionals Part 2

In Part I we talked about situations which can happen, which are likely to happen. For example, I always trip when I walk, I always spill my drinks and drop my pencil. The results are bruises, wet clothes and lots of bending. If I want to express that is three neat sentences, it goes like this:
If I trip, I get bruises. (every single time! I look as though someone regularly beats me senseless at home!)
My clothes will get wet if I spill my drink. (so I should be careful not to... Like I did last time...)
And if I drop my pencil, I will have to bend down to pick it up. (Well, I can always choose from the other pencils but this one will have to get picked up eventually.)

Did you notice any difference in the way the second sentence is ordered?
You probably know it by now but some things are worth repeating: "if" can start the sentence but it doesn't have to. What we call the "if-clause" (the short sentence in the big one, which contains "if", in this case "if I spill my drink") can come first or second, it doesn't matter. You can also say: "If I spill my drink, my clothes will get wet". Notice that if it is second, there is no comma before "if"! And this is true for ALL conditional sentences, not just this type.

Also, do you notice any differences between the first sentence on one hand, and the other two on the other?
We mentioned this before: the first one refers to "all time", while the second and third refer to "now or future".

C.
So far so good. Sometimes, however, we want to imagine how a situation could be different. You see, sometimes we know that we cannot change things, we just wish they were different. How many times have women uttered:
If I were slimmer, I would buy that dress!
(yes, it is "if I were", not "if I was"; that is not a mistake, that is a rule here.)

So we have a woman here, not too happy about her weight. You see that she uses past simple after "if" ("were") and later not "will" like before but its past equivalent "would". Is she talking about the past, though? Is she saying that maybe in the past she had the chance to buy the dress, only she was not slim enough?
No. She is talking about NOW. She is not slim enough NOW. So you can continue this thought like this:
If I were slimmer, I would buy that dress! But I am not.

Here are a few more examples about hypothetical situations:
If I ate an entire watermelon, I would burst!

If I looked inside your fridge now, what would I see there?
Wouldn't you have a snack if you were hungry at night?
I must be hungry...


Now a task for the ladies, should the following sentence be in the first (from Conditionals Part 1) or the second (the one we just talked about) conditional? I will write both, choose yours depending on whether it is likely to happen or not:
If I eat an entire box of chocolates, I will feel sick.
If I ate an entire box of chocolates, I would feel sick.
And for those of you who haven't found their best choice, here is a third option:
If I eat an entire box of chocolates, I will feel great!